Senator David Vitter of Louisiana is spewing vitriol over proposed legislation to bar health insurance subsidies to members of congress when there is probable cause to believe that that member has solicited prostitutes. The relevant portion of the bill reads as follows:
(iv) LIMITATION. — No employee contribution payable under section 8906 of title 5, United States Code, with respect to health insurance coverage under this subparagraph, may be provided on behalf of an individual who the relevant congressional ethics panel has probable cause to determine has engaged in the solicitation of prostitution.
Senator Vitter, is, in fact, the only member of the United States legislature who would be punished by this legislation as he is the only member of the United States legislature to whom it applies. In 2007, the Senate Ethics Committee found probable cause to believe that Senator Vitter had solicited prostitutes and Senator Vitter apologized for what he characterized as his “sin”.
The senator is angry because he realizes that he alone is the target of this bill. He, however, is unaware of earlier versions of the proposed legislation. An earlier, previously undisclosed version under consideration read as follows:
(iv) LIMITATION. – David Vitter has shamed the Senate and his constituents by trawling for hos. We don’t give a rat’s behind that his family has paid more than $100,000 in employee contributions to the health plan; he should have thought of that when he decided to unzip outside the old homestead.
Concerned that this might seem like a bill of attainder, designed to punish an individual rather than a class of people, the bill’s author considered another possibility:
(iv) LIMITATION. – There’s a guy in the Senate from a southern state and we’re not naming any names or places but his name rhymes with bitter and his state rhymes with Tweeziana who solicited women with jobs, but those women are not lawyers, doctors, cosmetologists, psychics or homemakers and asked them to perform certain activities that can result in transmissible diseases or pregnancy, or oral cancer (see Michael Douglas). Legislators like this guy, but not just this guy, but anyone who is like this guy although no one else is like this guy, shall not receive employee contributions to the health plan.
This too was deemed unsatisfactory and the bill’s author decided on the published version to which Mr. Vitter vociferously objects. In fact, Senator Vitter is so upset by the proposed legislation that he was spotted on the street trawling for crack which would not affect his eligibility to receive subsidies under the proposed legislation.
Joan Weisblatt retired from the practice of law after 30 years when the comedian in her could no longer be contained. Joan is a stand up comic, motivational speaker and member of Comedians at Law. She performs at comedy clubs, fundraisers and events in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and any other state that will have her.